The Wedding – Of Fathers and Daughters

Salaam and Greetings of Peace:

Thank you all for the kind words and prayers regarding my daughter’s recent wedding :)  I promised to write a post about it, though words failed me when trying to express the myriad emotions a father feels when walking his daughter down the aisle, and placing her hand in that of another man. Then a young reader of this blog wrote to me and asked the following:

How did it feel? The actual process of the marriage? Were you happy? Were you sad that she was leaving you? Did your heart at any given point in time feel a bit disappointed that you are no longer the only man in her life? And how does it feel now that after the marriage? Where the celebrations and congratulatory messages gradually die down and you get back to your normal life? Do you feel any difference?

To which I can only say: “All of the above.”

And yet…Alhamdulillah! She married a wonderful and kind man of whom I greatly approve and am honored to call my son-in-law. His parents are also very warm and kind and loving, so the process of marriage went smoothly as far as taking him into the family, and adding the extended family as well, so to speak. Of course the nafs want to hold on to the young girl that looked up to you and that you loved so much, but the heart, that overflowing fountain of love, wanted her to be happy more than anything else, and now, inshallah, she will be.

And it is different now, of course.  For her whole life, I knew her only as “my baby girl” and now she is another man’s wife. But a fine man, whom I came to love over the course of their engagement, so I am truly gaining another son, and not losing a daughter. This is not always the case in marriage, so I thank God that she has found a soul mate :)

Besides that, it’s time for her to begin the next part of life’s journey, and give me grandchildren, LOL. Inshallah, it will be so :)

So thank you, young brother, for inquiring. It is a blessing to set the thoughts down and makes my eyes water and my heart happy all over again :)

My wife is also very happy, of course, and recently wrote this, about loving children and letting them go, to a friend (the emphasis is mine):

You have to move yourself to Love.. You have poured love and goodness into her and that is all you can do. Sometimes the reward of these things is far down the road. I can tell you that I have loved my children during times when other parents I have known have all but turned their backs on theirs. What they do and say is not important, whether you believe that or not. What is important is how deeply and consistently they are loved. It is the place from which they center their entire lives. This is what Love of God and God’s Love for us, means. This is how we live what He intends. It is the source of everything.

Ya Haqq!

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15 Responses to The Wedding – Of Fathers and Daughters

  1. Ruth says:

    My daughter is getting married in a couple of months too. I guess it’s a little bit different in that I’m not losing her to another man! But it feels a bit strange and I bet I shall cry!

  2. Shahrzad says:

    It is really really beautiful. You reminded me of my dad in law and the way he always treats me as his own daughter..
    And your wife’s insight on marriage of her children is really really deep..
    May they live happily ever after. Nowadays it’s difficult to find a nice guy.. I am happy for both of them that fit nicely. And may they bring you lots of grandchildren insha’allah.. :)

  3. Krishna.N.C says:

    Beloved Papa Darvish,
    I was so touched reading this post and delving deep into the complex emotions that a father has when he gives his little baby’s hands away to another man who is now her caretaker for life :)
    I know that my father would have felt the same. But having you as a Devoted and a loving father is a true blessing for any daughter :) You and your wife have given her the richness and true unconditional love of the heart which she wouldnt let go of ever :)
    I adored the thoughts of your wife, an embodiment of all loving Mothers:)
    Thank you so much for bringing to light the intense feelings of what parents go through when they bid their daughters goodbye.
    Lots of Love and prayers for you and your beloved wife and your lovely daughter! May Allah bless this perfect family with abundant happiness! And may she be showered with immense love by her husband and his new family :)

  4. Katib says:

    Assalamualaikum Br darvish

    “so I am truly gaining another son, and not losing a daughter………Of course the nafs want to hold on to the young girl that looked up to you and that you loved so much, but the heart, that overflowing fountain of love, wanted her to be happy more than anything else, and now, inshallah, she will be.”

    – I share those feelings with you and I can relate to what have experienced.

    Peace

    Katib

  5. ned says:

    Congrats on the wedding Irving bhai!

  6. manzoori says:

    wow! mucho congrats! :)

  7. Irving says:

    Salaam Dear Sisters and Brothers:

    Thank you all for the kind comments about my daughter’s wedding :) She has come back from her honeymoon and is very happy to be a Mrs. lol.

    Ya Haqq!

  8. Aafke says:

    A very moving and touching post.
    I love the comment of your wife; I had parents like that and it really means very much when setting out into the world to always have your loving parents guarding and loving you. even if they’re far away, in a different country.

    I hope you will all remain very happy.

  9. Abdur Rahman says:

    Salaams Baba Darvish (and Mama Darvish too)!

    Congratulations once again. May your daughter’s life with her new husband be a blessed one.

    My eldest daughter is still only 6 and so my turn is, insha Allah, still hidden in the future. However, I would like to think that I would be able to approach it with as much grace and love as you have.

    Allah!

    Ya Haqq!

  10. Pari Jaan says:

    Salaam and once again much love to your family during this very happy time.

  11. Achelois says:

    What a beautiful post! Whenever I think that one day my Mariam will get married and move away Inshallah I feel this intense pain in my heart. And yet, it will make me extremely happy, I know.

    Congratulations!

  12. Faraaz says:

    salaam alaikum..thanks so much for making this post and please convey my salaam and best wishes to your wife…she gave such a beautiful explanation of love…its human beings like her that remind me of the greatness of my Creator.

  13. Sumera says:

    Awww this is lovely :)

  14. A.A. :) Congratulations. :) I am very happy to know about your daughter’s marriage and i pray to Allah for her happy future. May Allay bless you all. :)

  15. shaikh nazir ashrafi says:

    by God grace you have performend most important faraz of your life and God must accept their good will and wish them their life should be like hazrat fatima and Ali

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